Things I've Learned as a Mom

The other night I actually had some kid-free time. Go figure. While I was waiting for my friend, my mind turned to...well...things I have learned as a mom.

1. I will never pee alone again. Be it animal, child or significant other, there will always be someone in the bathroom with me.

2. My daughter's clothes will always sparkle more than mine.

3. I will always have to justify "my" time. Or hide in the closet with the light off.

4. The first Monday after vacation will always be a day of celebration for me.

5. I will choose sleep over a night out. Well....no that is not true...I will choose a night out at a hotel...and sleep there.

6. I will hear myself say things that I never thought I would say. For example: "Just because there is cheese, and therefore dairy, pizza is not a healthy breakfast option."

7. I will no longer care if there is a stain on my clothes. In fact, if I make it to my destination with only one stain on my outfit, then I'm looking goooooood...if ya know what I mean.

8. I finally understand why my mom always agreed to sleep overs...that is, me sleeping over at my friend's house...'cause that meant she had a free night. Smart lady.

9. I will learn to play as a child. For example: Chasing my son around and around and around the house giggling and realizing that Nerf Wars are as fun as he said they would be.

10. I am thrilled to become a grandparent, spend time with my grandchildren and marvel in the miracle of life. And if I don't like the person my child married? Then I see it as my grandmum duty to send the grand kids home jacked on sugar and Redbull.

I love being a Mom.

Back Seat Conversations

It seems as if some of the best conversations I have with the kids always takes place in the car. For example:

Me: "I love how you think out of the box. Like Einstein."
T: "Who, Albert?"
Me: "Yes. Albert."
T: "You mean Smart Head?"
Me: "Hahahahah! Yes. Smart Head."

OR

Q: "Mom. We need to go home so that I can change my skirt."
Me: "Ummmm. Okay. Why?"
Q: "It makes me feel like I am going to throw up."
Me: "Your SKIRT is making you feel this way?"
Q: "Yeeessss Mom, my skirt."

These are the  moments that keep me smiling!

My Ode to Valentine's Day

Bear with me, I am not a poet. However, on this day of love poems, I wrote a little ditty.

 

 

Darling,

I do not like the gift in a can.

I do not want that flower

So obviously picked within the hour.

(Along with the generic chocolate.)

Haven’t you paid attention, you twit?

While we are mentioning it,

No more wine, or promise of song

No more romantic evenings gone wrong.

I am not the size of a Vicky Seek model

And I am not going to squabble

Course, if you want give me a bauble… or two.

Tiara, toe ring, wrist bangle

It must be big, platinum, sparkle
and it's okay if it dangles.

You have been so busy

And that can make me quite pissy.

But if you want me to get frisky,

Listen.

On this forced day of love

(That I truly want to shove!)

The only thing I desire…

And this part is most certainly true,

All the year through,

Babe.  Clearly! It’s only you.

Sound Advice...from my children

This semester has brought on STRESS. Hair pulling, teeth grinding, caffeine abusing stress. However! I am the solitary leader of this pack and as the solitary leader, I feel it is my responsibility to provide a positive role model and take advantage of all parenting opportunities as they arise.

Which leads me to our pre-dinner conversation the other night.

"Mom. Why are you grunting?"

"Grunting? Oh. Ha. Me?"  Pausing a moment and noting to self that I was using my outside voice...then... enlightenment showed it's bright shiny beam on me for a second and I saw an opportunity. "Yes. I am so sorry kiddos. Mommy has so much going on, and well, I feel a little stressed. Have you ever felt this way? What do you do?"

T(8yo): "Mom. I totally have. This is what you need to do. Take a breath. Stop what you are doing that is making you nutso. Walk away until you can feel calm. If you need to, you can play with Q or me, for like 10 minutes, and then go back to your homework."

Q(6yo): "Yeah! You can like go back to your center and get to a calm place and then when you aren't frustrated anymore, finish your work."

Me: "Holy smokes you guys! That is such AMAZING advice. Thank you! Wow!"
To self: "They really do listen to me."

Simultaneously, they responded, "Yea, Mom. I learned that at school."

Clearly my job is done. You can find me in my bed. Under my covers. :)

Crazy Lady

Leave it to me, Jack Ass Numero Uno, to walk into the first day of classes with nary a pen, piece of paper or a text book.  So much for spending my entire winter break trying to organize myself and this little family pod of mine! The kids can tell you at a moment's notice what the plan is for the day, the week, and quite possibly the upcoming month. But can I, their so-called "organized" Mom, find her way to class prepared? Not so much.

Thankfully, my class is in the building that I just happened to discover last semester when I had to make up an exam that I missed due to a ....ummmmm...sick child?

Once I found my class room (did I mention I was late and walked into a classroom that is anti food and drink...with a coffee in my hand?) After attempting to hide my much needed coffee under the last and very squeaky chair left-of course located in the front of the classroom, I was thrilled to discover that my Micro Biology professor is a true gem from the good old days. We're talkin' oooold school. He even said that he will call us "Toots" if we should so desire. I am pretty sure I heard some quick inhales in the classroom, and I tried to keep my giggle quiet, but lets face it, that is NOT a strong suit of mine.

Walk with me for a moment. Picture Droopy the old sad looking cartoon dog. Now picture Mr. Magoo.....okay...got it? Mix them together. Yup. That's my man. The man that I have named as Mr. Monty. Under some kind of delusion, he shared with us the many nick names he had growing up. One of which was Monty (for Monty Python) Really, Professor? Now how am I supposed to let that go?

So what have I learned from this experience? Being organized is a great concept. Being organized allows one to live in the present moment which allows for less stress, fear, and anxiety. It can, however, cause dependence on said organization and then cause lapses in forward thinking. Woops! Note to Self: Look ahead as well as in front of you.

Oh. And by the way, Mr. Monty's class is going to kick my ass.

Follow Me on Twitter

Recently discovered the beauty of this whole Social Media thing. Mostly because, well, I'm just going to say it. I have outgrown FaceBook. Don't get me wrong, FB is great for the reason I signed up- to share photos of the kids to the family and friends we left behind in Vermont. Yet...there is this new fancy site...Pintrest...that may become the next thing to consume my interest (story to follow, I am sure.)

I digress.

Follow me on Twitter (@mothersgraffiti) for up-to-the-moment giggles of raising my dear, sweet, ADHD son and my scooter-riding (indoor scooter riding, that is) daughter.

How Many Hours Can You Squeeze?

Busy moms that we are...ever track what you do during each hour of the day? Ya. No wonder I am always tired.

5-6 AM: Yoga, mediatation, make coffee, read Gmail Calendar, freak out about what I haven't done.

6-7AM: Get kids dressed, fed. Yes. It takes that long.

7-8AM: Finish dressing self, drink coffee, freak out about things not done, try to pre-plan the next step.

8-9AM: Drops kids off at school, travel to work/school, stop by coffee shop for heavily caffeine laden coffee in a to-go cup because you still can't figure out how to catch up on everything missed yesterday, that has to be squeezed into today and still finish today's list because you are a good role model and finish your lists just like you insist your children do....and don't tell me I can't do it!

9-10AM: Switch to decaf tea.

10-11AM: Work/School/Errands

11AM-Noon:What was I doing again? I think I need to take a nap. Coffee anyone?

12-1PM: Why am I hungry? Did I eat breakfast? oooooohhh...I straightened my hair today. So, no. No breakfast. But I need to call the doctorsandfriendsandmakethegrocerylistandruntothepostoffice...

1-2PM: Water, must remember to drink water today. Call the (enter any number of only open Mon-Fri 9-5, but closed 12-1 office-type place that you have been trying to reach since last freakin' week.)

2-3PM: Breathe, finish everything up before racing to meet the bus/pick up the kids at school. Put on black and white referee shirt, psych self up to catch/re-channel/intervene and/or inspire exhausted, grumpy and hungry post-school children.

3-5PM: Focus. Homework. Snacks. After school activity. Stop hitting. No he did not take it on purpose. Well give it back then. Homework! Has anyone fed the cat this week. No, you may not have any more snacks, dinner is in 15 minutes. Go play outside. Hmmmm...I wonder...if you are cold outside, do you think winter boots are better than flip flops?

5-6PM: EAT! No elbows on the table. I am so excited to hear your story, please wait until you are done chewing. Who is kicking the floor? I notice your plate is still on the table, and you are the living room, does that mean you are done with dinner?

6-7PM: Family Time.

7-8PM: Get kids ready for bed, keep eyes open with some twigs you found in your son's backpack. Read. Kisses. Hugs. I SAID GOODNIGHT!

8-Midnight: Clean the house, do the dishes, look at to-do list. Burn it. Grab a glass of wine, pour it back into the bottle because, oh yeah... YOU have to study.

Midnight-5AM: Sleep in the 1/2 of the bed that isn't covered in laundry or books or animals (or husbands, should you be so lucky.)

5AM Tuesday morning: Where is that naked Cabana boy with my coffee, and why isn't there an app for that yet?

Tell me how you spend your days!

HILARIOUS! 14 Reasons to NOT Stay at Home

I am passing along this hilarious list from a fellow mom-blogger. Also, 14 reasons why I found myself back at school as quickly as possible! I hope you enjoy.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/dani-klein-modisett/being-stay-at-home-mom-sucks_b_1198338.html

Happy Day!!

Cue the Stress

I have 12 days left of vacation and then school starts for the spring semester. This morning, when I turned my 5 AM alarm clock off, I did so with the knowledge that CRAP! I haven't done anything I specifically said I would take care of during my winter break. 

What have I been doing?

Well...I discovered the world of Twitter, which is kind of fun (as well as educational-no seriously, it can be!) I have fallen head over heels in love with my monkeys, and cleaned up most of the piles that accumulated during last semester. (Note that I said "most" of the piles.) I established an organization system for our family, started a book that I have been waiting to read, tried to dig into the stack of recommended how-to-be-the-best-parent-you-can-be books, found my gym card and then proceeded to actually use it! I reconnected with some friends, and made some new ones. Dealt with financial aid, and loss, I worked, I wrote, I played...

...ooooh...so THAT's what I've been doing.

Still not sure that I am ready to live in a text book for the next 12 weeks...or the next 3 years for that matter.

If I could just find that coffee delivering cabana boy...

Calendar Success

T n Q absorbed in Science Night

We have success! Everything has worked!! I even witnessed T using the calendar. I almost jumped for joy, but then realized that may have been a bit misunderstood, so instead opted for some really big internal flips of excitement. I may have a slow processing department, i.e.: my brain, and many of you out there may already have something like this in place and are thinking...ummmm...Hello! What took you so long...but already this week, the calendar has alleviated 4 dinner disasters, 2 tantrums, and almost no TV has been watched!

Conscious Parenting. Yea. Check it. I'm finally on the-understanding-how-this-works-train. Well...for this week. :)

Christmas Tree Clean-Up

1. Carefully lift ornaments off branches trying not to shake anymore pine needles (or tree crumbs) onto floor than are already present.
2. Give up as tree is shaking and needles, crumbs, as well as ornaments are falling everywhere.
3. Rip lights off. No need to be conservative now, all of those bloody needles are on the ground anyway.
4. Drag tree through house, completely giving up on tree crumb prevention, muttering under breath while all those sweet smelling tree crumbs find every nook and cranny in your house and body only to show up in July when you thought every last one of those buggers were finally gone!
5. Toss that blasted tree into the garbage and swear by all that is holly... next year....a fake tree.

Bring on The New Year!

Why is it so much easier to be motivated to do "good" things at the beginning of January? :)

Today we had an extra family meeting, set up our new weekly menu plan, family activity plan, and schedule-calendars. I cleaned off the sad, warped and smudged old "art" pictures from the front of the refrigerator to make room for, and to hang up, the crisp clean new calendars.

My hope is this will keep us organized, will help in preventing dinner time meltdowns and flat out refusals (because as a group we picked out the menu) and because the agreed upon schedule is written on the calendar. Translation...we have to do it because the calendar says so!

Here's to trying!

New Year's Resolutions

Some New Year's resolutions that we are considering around this house....
1. Using toilet paper at appropriate times.
2. Torturing family cats less.
3. Brushing hair daily.
4. Being "nicer."
5. Using our words, not our hands.
6. Organization. Right! I forgot about that one. Yes. To become organized!

Seems manageable...right?