Looking Yonder, Staying Here

Learn from the past, be grateful for the present and live for the future.

Right. I don't know about you...but that's been a HUGE challenge for me. Thankfully, I have had a wee bit of extra time on my hands- no school, no job, the kids happy to play without me (say what?!? may just be a miracle in and of itself!) So I spent some quality time pondering this whole life process thing. I mean, for real, exactly how am I supposed to incorporate the above way of living into my already crazy busy life? Well, if anything is ever going to work for me, it has to be simple. This is what I have come up with.

1. Remember that happy (sad, angry etc.) moment oh-so-long ago? I have decided that I am going to ENJOY that memory! No, for real! I am going to enjoy it, not run from it. I hope that by relishing the memory, I will be able to retain the lesson being taught without getting stuck. Living in that memory blinds the senses to this moment, this moment right now, and erases any possibility of the future.

2. I am making the committment to myself to take time and enjoy the moment when something takes my breath away. For example, the view outside of my window this morning. I am so very grateful to be here, right now. Of course, this morning it's easy, I mean who wouldn't be grateful to be here, right?! The tricky part is to remember that it is also possible to be grateful for something as annoying as a traffic jam. I mean when was the last time I had a few moments of quiet, without kids yelling and fighting and could listen to my choice of music on the car stereo?    
             
3. When I look to the future and make a goal I like to use a couple of tricks...
         1. I make a goal that is stated as if it is in the present. For example, when I think about practicing as a nurse. Instead of saying, "I want to be a good nurse." I focus on what it means to be a "good" nurse. What will I feel in those moments when I deliver quality nursing?  What I will see? What words will I use? The focus for me then becomes the qualities of what I think a "good" nurse is. Simply stating that I want it, makes the focus of the goal all about "wanting," not the "doing."
         2.The second trick, for me, is to make a long-term goal. Preferably one that takes some time to put into place. (For me that meant going back to school at age 41 to become a nurse.) Then, everyday, I take some time to put one foot forward and therefore closer to that goal. When my goal was to add exercise back into my single parent life, I had to start by adding 5 minutes a day, then 7 then 10. By doing a little bit every day I stayed motivated, retained my excitement about my goal of getting into shape while allowing me to still live here, in my grateful present.

So I guess the take home message I am trying to share is this; Compliment your life adventure by being a witness to your past, enjoying this moment you are in, and sending love to the future.

ResurRECTION

Hoh Boy! First time in a looooong I have been inspired to write.

So ya, a lot of SHIT has happened since I last logged in one whole year ago. For example: Boy stole my heart. Kept my heart. Refused to give back my heart. So of course, I stole back (my own heart, need I remind you) in the heat of the night. Then I gave said heart back in the morning. Found dignity. Took heart, soul and existence mother fucking back. It's all mine now.

Oh. Of course, other things happened too. My family has continued to support me to the extreme, the monkeys I like to call my children are still growing and pushing all boundaries, nursing school is ever present, there is a wonderful new "old" man, and of course, my ex husband is still an abusive asshole.

But then there was my California vacation.

I forgot how to breathe until I realized I hadn't done so in at least as many years as the monkeys have been attached to my back. Hiking 10,000 ft. high in the Sierra Mountains will make a person realize how vitally important breath is. It can also make a person realize the value of each inhale and exhale.

There is a daily life in which we must exist. You know, the one where all the stupid, mundane, committee meeting-menu planning-activity scheduling-homework suffering-bull shit happens. Then there are those moments when Life (God, Allah, She, He, The Uni-Verse, Jesus, The Name You Use) takes you out of yourself and you find the real meaning-the real place you are supposed to exist. Yeaaaaa.....

Then there was California.

Returning to my reality has been akin to facing a Polar Swim in The Atlantic in January.  Blech. Funny thing though, reality doesn't really give a shit about my feelings and while I have been trying to again see the sparkle in the truly magical reality in which I live, it has been...mmmmm...let's say... challenging. Challenging that is, until today.

Two things happened today to help me FINALLY find the capacity to inhale and accept my current reality, then exhale and be at peace. The first event was discovering Charles Bradley. Find him. Like him. Buy his album. Watch his story; Charles Bradley, Soul of America. Holy smokes, do I really need to say more?!?

The second thing that happened today was to watch old school (and by old I mean 2004, so not really really old school) Dance-Offs. Watch:  http://youtu.be/M2bXnLvTFy8 and just try to tell me that making the human body move like that isn't inspiring!

Watching others succeed in their realities reminds me to appreciate mine. To focus on what I want, to live for my goals. My truth is that I do, in fact live a princess life and other than normal sibling squirmishes, I have nothing to bemoan.

So, at the end of my day today, I realize that my fairy tale life has had a moment of resurgence, revitalization, revivification. No doubt. Resurrection is freakin' awesome.